Hi Guys!

Welcome back. Thanks for returning. If you’re new, thank you for popping by! I hope you come back:)

Today’s post took me a while to write even though it’s going to be one of the shortest posts I’ve written thus far. I had to muster up the courage to write this knowing that it goes against how I was raised and the belief systems that I had allowed to be so ingrained in me that I questioned it never!

My amazing hubby and I just celebrated our one year anniversary. It’s been a blast! I could not have prayed for a better partner. But as millennial wives, our marriages are not as black and white as our ancestor’s marriages may have been and for that we face a lot of judgement. In today’s post I will share with you the secrets to a happy marriage that I found in just a year. It’s not your average guide to marriage but stick with me. Believe it or not, this has nothing to do with how you can be a better wife for your partner but rather, how you can be a better partner in your marriage. Yes, it’s all about you! The wife. I’ve carefully curated my images to suit the post. Read until the end then look at the images and enjoy how it ties together. Hint: Happily married but also featuring my badass, workwear, power skirt.

  • Set your own goals!

Apart from sharing a common vision for your lives together and that which you want to achieve as a couple, set some goals for yourself. “Be a better wife” is not the kind of goal I’m talking about. You are not featuring in an episode of The Good Wife! You need to make sure you have something going for yourself other than striving to be the best wife you can be. Set some career goals that are so drastic that they even blow you away! Do something new and radical like volunteering at a shelter or even starting a new degree. Your husband will support you and when he sees your commitment to self improvement, trust me, it will spark something great in your marriage. It is a common misconception that you need to spend your first year “enjoying each other” which is Indian for “cook, clean, have a baby and your husband will be happy”. By all means, do the above but make sure you are as committed to improving yourself! Be a go-getter! There is still nothing more attractive than a woman with vision and faith in the Lord that she is able to achieve great things. Trust me, my husband constantly reminds me of how proud he is of me. Even for the smallest accomplishments. It has added such depth to our shared goals and vision for our future!

  • Mental Health

In many non-white cultures, mental health is not a concept we are accustomed to discussing or debating. Mine is no exception. Indian people think a Panado can “fix your depression”. I encourage you to make sure you are in a good space, mentally. Declutter your mind. You are not responsible for your entire marriage, you are only responsible for half! If you are mentally well, it is easier to enjoy your partner. If you are stressed, plan better, cut out unnecessary commitments and give that time to your partner.

  • Cut the “wife in distress” BS!

I’m sorry, I know this is harsh but you gotta stop wanting your husband to save you. Naturally, your husband will be protective and will be there whenever you need him.But, he is also just a human being with needs, emotions and fears. Sometimes, he will need saving and you should be able to step in. Gone are the days where we should expect our husbands to take care of every single thing imaginable, while we just doll ourselves up and make tea for visitors. Cut the BS and step in! Step in and step up! Help him in ways he doesn’t expect. Yes, take out the trash, move some boxes, change your own tyre, bring home some bacon…and for the non pork eaters (You know I got ya’ll), bring home some macon! Work hard and bring something to the table. Meet your partner halfway even if he doesn’t need the help. Show him and yourself that you are able to sustain a family while working on your career and getting all degreed up, all at the same damn time. You can do it all! So cut the damsel in distress bullsh*t!

I know this post may ruffle a few feathers because all we’ve been taught is to strive for a family and be housewives if we can. We fight for equality at work and the same should apply in our marriages. We are partners and not saviours or in need of saving. We are strong women with goals of our own that will, if lead by the Lord fulfil your marriage even more. So lastly,

  • Put God first

Whomever you believe in, Jesus, Allah, Buddha or The Universe, stay in tune with that. Prioritise that relationship. You will see impeccable change in yourself and your relationship. In all your endeavours ask to be guided by your God and in doing so you can rest assured that your plans will prosper you not only financially but spiritually as well.

In essence, I am saying that there is nothing wrong with making sure YOU are good! If you are well, mentally, physically and spiritually, the fruits of these will be added to your marriage. You do not need to give up on yourself once you are married. This is when you begin improving yourself even more. If you’ve married the right person He/She will support you 100%.

Love & Joy

K Joseph